Prior to the train robbery itself
a portion of horses must think
on some level
that they will get on the train
with their bandit masters
& on that same level
must walk home alone
feeling
through no fault of their own
like total losers.
Monthly Archives: February 2016
overcome
A completely blind chameleon
can still change its skin
to match its environment.
Similarly, deaf bats
will still fly around
like they have no idea where they’re going.
the metrics of bacon
In the United States
it’s harder to bring home bacon today
than in the worst year of The Great Depression.
The US instituted the minimum wage in 1933
at twenty-five cents an hour,
or about $4.25 in today’s money.
Even though two dollars a day might not seem like much,
bacon was only eleven cents a pound at the time.
Working for one hour at the minimum wage in 1933
would have yielded approximately two and a half pounds of bacon
for you, your spouse and two and a half children.
You used to have three kids,
but times were really tough.
Today,
the United States minimum wage is $7.25
with the price of bacon over $5.00 per pound.
That means you, your spouse and 1.75 children
can only afford a pound and a bit
for that same hour’s labor.
To clarify, in this scenario
there are still three children,
but everyone is missing parts equally
because you’re a good parent.
They’re all living happily on government disability programs
with the missus always on the lookout
for cute little mom & pop shops, or small businesses
without wheelchair ramps
to sue
because again,
we are Americans in this scenario.
Even if socialist Bernie Sanders got his proposed $15 dollars an hour
which would bring the bacon ratio back to Depression era levels,
any difference would be squelched by higher taxes
so you can have free health care
where the doctor
practicing preventative medicine
advises that to avoid heart disease
you should cut back on bacon.
Touche, Dr. President Sanders.
plenty of crude oil in the sea
When one spouse dies
there’s a brief window of opportunity
for an interested suitor
who wants to make their move
which comes in the twenty-four hours after the body is in the ground
but before any maggots hatch and mess up the best bits.
A glimpse into the universe where I am an educator
There is a theory
that the word “testify,” or “testimony,”
comes from the ancient Roman practice
of swearing oaths on one’s testicles,
explaining why in today’s courtrooms
the judge has a hammer.
Similarly, the saying,
“lightning never strikes the same place twice”
is of Greek origin;
reportedly, what Zeus told one-night stands
in the morning.
Now,
some of your parents have voiced concern
that I should be teaching material
more relatable to you kindergartners,
but that doesn’t mean we can’t challenge ourselves
or enjoy good literature,
so bearing that in mind, let’s all gather around
turn down the lights
and read more passages from Lolita.
**
To those of you who had no idea what Lolita was going into this,
and had to look it up, I’m so very sorry.
To those of you who are familiar with Nabokov,
please ensure I never become an English teacher
and tell your friends about Poet Robot.
-e.
Him, Robot
A lovely review by Jacqueline at thecrone.co.uk. There’s also another giveaway active! If you emailed me about adding a country, those changes have been made. I also have more review copies available for anyone who is interested. To get one, email me at poetrobot@gmail.com
Thanks and love you all. – e
I follow the thought-provoking blog A Narcissist Writes Letters, To Himself so it was wonderfully exciting last week to find a yellow padded package (with an exotic San Francisco return address) stuffed into my humble post box here in the UK.
The Narcissist (E.I. Wong Himself) had kindly sent me a copy of his book*.
I sat down at my quintessentially English breakfast table, poured myself a cup of quintessential PG Tips tea (pyramid teabags, natch) and began to peruse the pages torn from the tortured Poet’s mind.
All of human life, rich in experience, is here.
From the evident joy of harpooning a pelican, to depression echoing the symptoms of a giant tapeworm, this small book covers a multitude of subjects to make us all pause for thought, and wonder.
How often have you considered the implications of a birthday surprise from friends that features deadly blow-darts?
Or that by simply walking into a web you can turn an excited spider’s…
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A Narcissist Writes Letters, To Himself 