Monthly Archives: March 2020

Coronavirus Lockdown Diary – Day 3

Posted on by under Daily Post

WE NEED MORE BEANS.

 

These are the thoughts that repeat over and over

despite my girlfriend reminding me

we have a ten-pound bag of beans.

 

But what if there are no more beans, sweetie?!?!??!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!

What if this is the end of beans?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?

 

I’ve touched my face nine hundred thousand times.

 

In the name of conservation, I’ve eaten leftovers that will likely send me to the hospital

which is all kinds of stupid, but the leftovers have beans in them

and I’m not wasting any goddamn beans.

 

This is why everyone is hoarding toilet paper…

Bad beans.

**

I’ve just realized that there’s a little emoji robot

analyzing my tone and presenting me with an AI mood ring glimpse into my day.

(Just installed Grammarly)

It says my tone is

Disapproving

Sad

and Confused.

 

Touche, robot.

**

Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to make a quarantini*

and start an indoor bean farm.

 

*  a quarantini is a regular martini but served with black olives because all you thought to buy at the store were black olives and now there are no more olives.

Oh God, we need more olives.

 

Coronavirus Lockdown Diary – Day 1

Posted on by under Daily Post

Organized an online game night with some friends.

Caught up with some folks on the phone.

Tried to stay as calm and normal as possible.

 

Later, my closest friends, my girlfriend and I will spend several hours

yelling at each other on Skype, accusing one another of being an alien

and trying to shoot people out of an airlock (“Push the Button” Jackbox 6)

digitally.

 

My friend’s dad, who is a doctor and a scientist

said that consuming alcohol can potentially lower bacterial and viral body loads.

I don’t know what any of that means, but what it feels like

in my heart of hearts

is that for the good of all my friends and loved ones

I have to get very, very drunk

and jettison my friends and loved ones into space

digitally.

 

**

 

A few weeks ago

when it was still okay to hug people

my friend Jeff bought me a microphone

trying to get me to take up music again.

 

Astute bloggers may have noticed

I very briefly posted a message yesterday

about how I would be playing some songs on Twitch

and then deleted that post very quickly

due to some unexamined shame/confidence issues.

 

Now, I have nothing but time to examine/confront

said shame/confidence issues.

 

So won’t you join me,

Saturday March 21st at 7:30 PST

for a little Quarantine Concert?

I’ll be playing some old songs on a dusty guitar

maybe a few new.

 

 

Hope to see you there.

Stay safe everyone.