WE NEED MORE BEANS.
These are the thoughts that repeat over and over
despite my girlfriend reminding me
we have a ten-pound bag of beans.
But what if there are no more beans, sweetie?!?!??!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!
What if this is the end of beans?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?
I’ve touched my face nine hundred thousand times.
In the name of conservation, I’ve eaten leftovers that will likely send me to the hospital
which is all kinds of stupid, but the leftovers have beans in them
and I’m not wasting any goddamn beans.
This is why everyone is hoarding toilet paper…
Bad beans.
**
I’ve just realized that there’s a little emoji robot
analyzing my tone and presenting me with an AI mood ring glimpse into my day.
(Just installed Grammarly)
It says my tone is
Disapproving
Sad
and Confused.
Touche, robot.
**
Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to make a quarantini*
and start an indoor bean farm.
* a quarantini is a regular martini but served with black olives because all you thought to buy at the store were black olives and now there are no more olives.
Oh God, we need more olives.
A Narcissist Writes Letters, To Himself 
whoever has a hundred pounds of coffee in 6 months will be rich (or robbed at gunpoint) — 😉 right now seems like it won’t come down to that much desperation
Oh God! Thank you for making me laugh!🤣
Yes, I agree, good to laugh — much appreciated!
My thoughts are with you during this trying, bean-scarce time.
Thank you very much for this post! Very interesting to hear your thoughts and experience! I have recently published an article on my blog about lockdowns and their importance. If you have time, it would be great if you could check out my post and let me know your thoughts! Thanks 🙂
Are you bringing out a new book soon ?