I’m a volunteer
anonymous life-coach
although I’d like to see myself
as the Gordon Ramsay
of volunteer anonymous life-coaches
who works primarily with small children, the elderly
or any other park-goer off put by a clown
in full military camouflage
& there are nine of us in the camouflage
but I’m the Gordon Ramsay.
Bannon: The Trump Presidency we fought for is DEAD
***one day later***
Trump: Thank you for protesting bigotry and hate!
It was then I felt
a great erection in the Universe
as if millions of haters cried out, “#WAR”
& were suddenly silenced by Facebook, Google, GoDaddy, Twitter, MSM, BLM, Muslims, Jews, LGBTQs, Women, Latinos, Democrats, Republicans, Boston, The Pope, General Kelly, Heather Heyer and the sounds of their mothers saying their Meatball & Mozzarella LeanPockets were finished microwaving.
So yeah, global conspiracy confirmed
***
This piece is dedicated to Sir Richard Claxton Gregory – A true Knight of this Old Republic
Each year
more people die from suicide
than from all the world’s armed conflicts
An issue America will undoubtedly solve
with increased military spending
while also continuing the harvest of occupied Afghanistan’s poppy supply
(they produce 90% of the world’s opium)
which will then be made into overpriced prescription pain killers
whose exorbitant costs will be subsidized
using the public’s own money
in the form of a private health insurance subscription discount
as negotiated by the host of The Celebrity Apprentice
& not the host of The Celebrity Apprentice who actually has governing experience,
the other one.
But yeah, the shocking part is that people are killing themselves.
Wouldn’t it be wonderful
if Democrats and Republicans
set aside their differences
& came together under one roof
& then, due to decades
of neglectful infrastructure funding policy,
erosion collapsed that roof?
Today’s the day.
You can get the book here:
https://www.createspace.com/5919886
And now for a farewell (for now).
All methods, ideally, self-destruct.
I began this blog as a means of coping with depression, anxiety and anger.
I did so by expressing said depression, anxiety and anger
in jokes which made me laugh,
converting pain into something light and joyous.
But eventually, the natural pain subsides
and I was left with a vehicle
which demanded pain
such that beauty could be created.
So for many months, I asked myself to bleed
beyond what wounds were innately there,
and so the means of liberation from pain
became a trap within itself.
This is not to say I am done writing forever,
only that it is time to change gears,
and for that to happen one must give space.
You can write to me at poetrobot@gmail.com
and I will do my best to reply.
Again, if you are exceedingly poor but would still like a book,
let me know and we can make that happen.
I love you.
I love you.
I love you.
Until we meet again
After the ressurection
the disciples stood in awe of Christ.
The miracles
they had seen before
but all paled in comparison
to His newfangled, freaky shadow puppets.
“Give a man a fish
& you feed him for a day.
Teach a man to fish
& you feed him for a lifetime.”
-Lao Tzu
“Give a man a fish
& you feed him for a day.
Teach a man to fish
& you feed him for a lifetime,
so clearly we need to stop teaching people how to fish.”
-leaked transcript of Lao Tzu’s paid speeches to Big Fish
Prior to the train robbery itself
a portion of horses must think
on some level
that they will get on the train
with their bandit masters
& on that same level
must walk home alone
feeling
through no fault of their own
like total losers.
A completely blind chameleon
can still change its skin
to match its environment.
Similarly, deaf bats
will still fly around
like they have no idea where they’re going.
In the United States
it’s harder to bring home bacon today
than in the worst year of The Great Depression.
The US instituted the minimum wage in 1933
at twenty-five cents an hour,
or about $4.25 in today’s money.
Even though two dollars a day might not seem like much,
bacon was only eleven cents a pound at the time.
Working for one hour at the minimum wage in 1933
would have yielded approximately two and a half pounds of bacon
for you, your spouse and two and a half children.
You used to have three kids,
but times were really tough.
Today,
the United States minimum wage is $7.25
with the price of bacon over $5.00 per pound.
That means you, your spouse and 1.75 children
can only afford a pound and a bit
for that same hour’s labor.
To clarify, in this scenario
there are still three children,
but everyone is missing parts equally
because you’re a good parent.
They’re all living happily on government disability programs
with the missus always on the lookout
for cute little mom & pop shops, or small businesses
without wheelchair ramps
to sue
because again,
we are Americans in this scenario.
Even if socialist Bernie Sanders got his proposed $15 dollars an hour
which would bring the bacon ratio back to Depression era levels,
any difference would be squelched by higher taxes
so you can have free health care
where the doctor
practicing preventative medicine
advises that to avoid heart disease
you should cut back on bacon.
Touche, Dr. President Sanders.
