2 notebooks

I purchased these two notepads on 2/2/14. They are done now. There are a lot of bad jokes and so many feelings. I have never been more proud, nor more ashamed.

Love, me

Eric Wong is a writer and comedian. He needs more paper.

The best job in the world

My dream is to be a government employee, who makes a modest wage as a window washer for the Washington Monument.

If you can set this up, let me know.

Eric Wong is a writer and comedian. He is absurdly lazy.

Things I’ve Never Seen

I’ve never seen a ginger man making out with an Indian woman.

Either kind.

I’ve never seen a human being dip a regular potato chip into a dish of sour cream, take a bite and say, “This could use onion.”

So I don’t know where that trend started…

 

 

Three Kinds of Poops

When you wear glasses, there are three magnitudes of poops.

 

The first order is the easy poop. Glasses stay on.

The second degree of poop is the hard poop. The glasses come off.

The final classification of poop is the epic poop. The glasses go back on.

You learn a lot about yourself on that last one. 

Dear God, What Does PG Mean?

Hey you,

So apparently in Tagolog movies, it’s okay to call someone a “faggot” in a PG movie.

As a joke, my girlfriend and I rented this Filipino movie called “Bromance.” Here are the highlights:

1:23 minutes into the movie there are two bloody baby dicks in the shot. Seconds later, a CGI gay baby covered in blood, winks, makes a duck-face and does all this while limp-wristed.

In the first ten minutes, I counted over five derogatory terms for gay people. There are literal hate crimes against gay people that are treated as cute sit-com type jokes.

After a while I couldn’t even watch the movie. It got too… Offensive. Even for me. I thought it would be a fun little game to make fun of a bad movie, but there were so many blatantly ignorant things that the movie became genuinely unenjoyable. Perhaps this comes down to the cultural difference and my misunderstanding of the “Bakla” sub-culture, but it seemed to me that the film treated gay men as though they were actually women.

For instance: The main character, impersonating his gay brother, is surprised by the brothers boyfriend. In order to not be intimate or affectionate with the man, the main character asserts that it is simply “his time of the month.” The boyfriend buys it.

There was that underlying assumption, that that was a real thing that a homosexual man went through.

On top of all that, the sheer volume of “comedic” violence against the gay characters is mind-boggling. In the opening sequence, there is a “joke” where the gay brother, unable to control his sexual aggression (another weird stereotype that is never really addressed as being other than completely true) wanders into the men’s locker room and starts fondling men. They figure out what he’s doing and chase him out. The gay brother then crosses paths with the straight brother, and the men proceed to beat the shit out of the straight brother. There is a wah-wah moment and then the montage moves along with the literal hate crime being reduced to a badly done graphic that makes everything look like the page of a scrap book.

Ah yes. Scrap booking hate crimes and gay bashing…

I’m very tempted to see what other weird cultural differences exist between American and Filipino films, but at the same time I am horrified to see what cultural differences there may be.

Sorry guys, don’t know how to be positive about this one. Love you though!

Love,
Me.

Eric Wong is a writer and comedian. He doesn’t understand.

Eric has shows!!

Upcoming shows: (this will probably be its own section soon…)

Emma’s Coffee House – Thursday, March 13th.

Melt the Mic Showcase – Monday, April 7th.

Get out here people. Homie needs some validation.

Make friends without names

Hello. This may advocate smoking, so if that bothers you, you probably shouldn’t read on…

Let me explore a philosophy honestly. I just smoked a cigarette because I was irritated and knew I had to hang out with my dear girlfriend. It’s late, we’re both a little on edge an yet still committed to hanging out on Valentines day…

Does it make sense to smoke a cigarette to calm myself down? I probably take five or ten minutes off my life if the reports are to be believed, but I might also be saving myself from an hour of fighting late at night over something that doesn’t matter. If you don’t end up having the fight, aren’t you still like 50 minutes of decent living up?

Sure my mouth tastes bad, and I feel a tinge of guilt for smoking a cigarette, but the idea of getting in a fight on valentines day sounds way worse…

So clearly I’ve already made my decision. Does that make this my self-righteous justification?

Sure does.

Love,
Me.

Eric Wong is a writer and comedian. His Valentine’s Dat make-out session is going to be a little less fun for his girlfriend, unless she’s into smokey tongue…

Happiness is pooping in your childhood bathroom.

I’m happy right now.

Love,
Me.

Eric Wong is a writer and comedian. Wipe, wipe, wipe.

How shall I define success? BY WHATEVER THE FUCK I JUST DID

Hellooooooo handsome!

Well. Neck of the Woods. It’s always been an interesting room to me. I bomb there more than anywhere, yet against my better judgement I am drawn to the room. I went up second to last tonight in a nearly dead room with the only goal of kicking the ball in the air once.

At the last minute I decided to adopt an Emo Philips technique of just stretching out the words very deliberately in an attempt to draw the room’s attention and at the very least make sure the set-up is being laid down. It worked very well, and I understand why he does that.

I kept to my shortest jokes that I could think of off the top of my head, which isn’t normal for me. I usually have the audience choose the jokes based on a letter from the alphabet, but I’m pretty sure they weren’t into it.

I’m finding it increasingly important to have the appropriate material for the appropriate crowd. I’ve had this given to me as advice before, but it was in terms of races. A comedian (I can’t remember who) would hang out in the venue as people came in and assessed what kind of crowd he was dealing with and then fit the material to the demographic.

For me, I’ve been trying to do that on an esoteric “energy/chi” feeling which is a thing I picked up doing tai chi. It’s like in dragonball z how people can read power levels.

I was up against the Olympics and a cute dog. I knew the attention spans weren’t going to be long, so you have to try to adapt yourself to that situation. Short and snappy. Talk real slow.

So while it was a weird night with lots of tired voodoo floating around the room, I kicked the ball in the air and I’m marking that down as a win.

Love,
Me.

-Eric Wong is a writer and comedian. He is very loud with little to say, on paper.

Hey, you have a smile like dynamite, strapped to a dog. So, a lot…

Remember Kid,

Pooping on the water-slide can be really fun, at first.

Love,
Me.

Eric Wong is a writer and comedian. He is a dog with a stick. Of irony dynamite. In improper. Grammar; )haha I went to college 4 riting,,,