Hat-trick for mistreating America’s youth

For my next car

I want something practical

like a limousine.

That way

when I’m on the road

the screams of young people

won’t seem so out of place.

Reminder for Presidential Candidates

The more babies you kiss, the better.

The more passionately you kiss, the worse.

The Dire Consequences of Misplaced Commas

To do list:

Throw baby, shower

This glass at half capacity

Under certain perspectives

everyday life looks tragic and dull

like watching a mime with no arms.

Yet with a bit of healthy detachment

and noticing little things

perhaps a powerful breeze

it can be beautiful, rich and quite often hilarious,

like watching a mime with no arms.

Hopes & Dreams

I’ve always wanted to open

a Buddhist themed strip club

where all the dancers,

in the traditional Buddhist fashion,

have let go of all Earthly desires

such as the desire for dignity, a stable career,

or ever getting that, “atta boy” from Dad.

Also, they’re men.

See also: Predator vs. Crocodile

Certain species of snake

see on the infrared spectrum

detecting differences in heat

between environment and prey.

But snakes are cold-blooded,

so they probably freak each other out all the time

& culturally, have a lot of really stupid “snake ghost” stories.