Poet Robot – Now Available, Also… Goodbye for now

Today’s the day.

You can get the book here:



And now for a farewell (for now).

All methods, ideally, self-destruct.

I began this blog as a means of coping with depression, anxiety and anger.

I did so by expressing said depression, anxiety and anger

in jokes which made me laugh,

converting pain into something light and joyous.


But eventually, the natural pain subsides

and I was left with a vehicle

which demanded pain

such that beauty could be created.


So for many months, I asked myself to bleed

beyond what wounds were innately there,


and so the means of liberation from pain

became a trap within itself.


This is not to say I am done writing forever,

only that it is time to change gears,

and for that to happen one must give space.


You can write to me at poetrobot@gmail.com

and I will do my best to reply.

Again, if you are exceedingly poor but would still like a book,

let me know and we can make that happen.


I love you.

I love you.

I love you.


Until we meet again


“Give a man a fish

& you feed him for a day.

Teach a man to fish

& you feed him for a lifetime.”

-Lao Tzu


“Give a man a fish

& you feed him for a day.

Teach a man to fish

& you feed him for a lifetime,

so clearly we need to stop teaching people how to fish.”

-leaked transcript of Lao Tzu’s paid speeches to Big Fish






Fugue for Trumpets

Prior to the train robbery itself

a portion of horses must think

on some level

that they will get on the train

with their bandit masters


& on that same level

must walk home alone


through no fault of their own

like total losers.

the metrics of bacon

In the United States

it’s harder to bring home bacon today

than in the worst year of The Great Depression.



The US instituted the minimum wage in 1933

at twenty-five cents an hour,

or about $4.25 in today’s money.



Even though two dollars a day might not seem like much,

bacon was only eleven cents a pound at the time.



Working for one hour at the minimum wage in 1933

would have yielded approximately two and a half pounds of bacon

for you, your spouse and two and a half children.



You used to have three kids,

but times were really tough.



the United States minimum wage is $7.25

with the price of bacon over $5.00 per pound.

That means you, your spouse and 1.75 children

can only afford a pound and a bit

for that same hour’s labor.

To clarify, in this scenario

there are still three children,

but everyone is missing parts equally

because you’re a good parent.

They’re all living happily on government disability programs

with the missus always on the lookout

for cute little mom & pop shops, or small businesses

without wheelchair ramps

to sue

because again,

we are Americans in this scenario.


Even if socialist Bernie Sanders got his proposed $15 dollars an hour

which would bring the bacon ratio back to Depression era levels,

any difference would be squelched by higher taxes

so you can have free health care

where the doctor

practicing preventative medicine

advises that to avoid heart disease

you should cut back on bacon.

Touche, Dr. President Sanders.

A glimpse into the universe where I am an educator

There is a theory

that the word “testify,” or “testimony,”

comes from the ancient Roman practice

of swearing oaths on one’s testicles,

explaining why in today’s courtrooms

the judge has a hammer.

Similarly, the saying,

“lightning never strikes the same place twice”

is of Greek origin;

reportedly, what Zeus told one-night stands

in the morning.


some of your parents have voiced concern

that I should be teaching material

more relatable to you kindergartners,

but that doesn’t mean we can’t challenge ourselves

or enjoy good literature,

so bearing that in mind, let’s all gather around

turn down the lights

and read more passages from Lolita.


To those of you who had no idea what Lolita was going into this,

and had to look it up, I’m so very sorry.

To those of you who are familiar with Nabokov,

please ensure I never become an English teacher

and tell your friends about Poet Robot.


Him, Robot

A lovely review by Jacqueline at thecrone.co.uk. There’s also another giveaway active! If you emailed me about adding a country, those changes have been made. I also have more review copies available for anyone who is interested. To get one, email me at poetrobot@gmail.com

Thanks and love you all. – e


Goodreads Book Giveaway

Poet Robot by E.I. Wong

Poet Robot

by E.I. Wong

Giveaway ends February 12, 2016.

See the giveaway details
at Goodreads.

Enter Giveaway


the crone

I follow the thought-provoking blog A Narcissist Writes Letters, To Himself so it was wonderfully exciting last week to find a yellow padded package (with an exotic San Francisco return address) stuffed into my humble post box here in the UK.

The Narcissist (E.I. Wong Himself) had kindly sent me a copy of his book*.


I sat down at my quintessentially English breakfast table, poured myself a cup of quintessential PG Tips tea (pyramid teabags, natch) and began to peruse the pages torn from the tortured Poet’s mind.

All of human life, rich in experience, is here.

From the evident joy of harpooning a pelican, to depression echoing the symptoms of a giant tapeworm, this small book covers a multitude of subjects to make us all pause for thought, and wonder.

How often have you considered the implications of a birthday surprise from friends that features deadly blow-darts?

Or that by simply walking into a web you can turn an excited spider’s…

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Humanity is always at its best
when two cultures
set aside their differences,
combine their unique individual assets,
& work towards a common goal,

like attacking a third culture
for being different.