plenty of crude oil in the sea

When one spouse dies

there’s a brief window of opportunity

for an interested suitor

who wants to make their move

 

which comes in the twenty-four hours after the body is in the ground

but before any maggots hatch and mess up the best bits.

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A glimpse into the universe where I am an educator

There is a theory

that the word “testify,” or “testimony,”

comes from the ancient Roman practice

of swearing oaths on one’s testicles,

explaining why in today’s courtrooms

the judge has a hammer.

Similarly, the saying,

“lightning never strikes the same place twice”

is of Greek origin;

reportedly, what Zeus told one-night stands

in the morning.

Now,

some of your parents have voiced concern

that I should be teaching material

more relatable to you kindergartners,

but that doesn’t mean we can’t challenge ourselves

or enjoy good literature,

so bearing that in mind, let’s all gather around

turn down the lights

and read more passages from Lolita.

**

To those of you who had no idea what Lolita was going into this,

and had to look it up, I’m so very sorry.

To those of you who are familiar with Nabokov,

please ensure I never become an English teacher

and tell your friends about Poet Robot.

-e.

Him, Robot

A lovely review by Jacqueline at thecrone.co.uk. There’s also another giveaway active! If you emailed me about adding a country, those changes have been made. I also have more review copies available for anyone who is interested. To get one, email me at poetrobot@gmail.com

Thanks and love you all. – e

 

Goodreads Book Giveaway

Poet Robot by E.I. Wong

Poet Robot

by E.I. Wong

Giveaway ends February 12, 2016.

See the giveaway details
at Goodreads.

Enter Giveaway

https://www.goodreads.com/giveaway/widget/172613

the crone

I follow the thought-provoking blog A Narcissist Writes Letters, To Himself so it was wonderfully exciting last week to find a yellow padded package (with an exotic San Francisco return address) stuffed into my humble post box here in the UK.

The Narcissist (E.I. Wong Himself) had kindly sent me a copy of his book*.

FullSizeRender.jpg

I sat down at my quintessentially English breakfast table, poured myself a cup of quintessential PG Tips tea (pyramid teabags, natch) and began to peruse the pages torn from the tortured Poet’s mind.

All of human life, rich in experience, is here.

From the evident joy of harpooning a pelican, to depression echoing the symptoms of a giant tapeworm, this small book covers a multitude of subjects to make us all pause for thought, and wonder.

How often have you considered the implications of a birthday surprise from friends that features deadly blow-darts?

Or that by simply walking into a web you can turn an excited spider’s…

View original post 217 more words

unity

Humanity is always at its best
when two cultures
set aside their differences,
combine their unique individual assets,
& work towards a common goal,

like attacking a third culture
for being different.

Poet Robot

Goodreads Book Giveaway

Poet Robot by E.I. Wong

Poet Robot

by E.I. Wong

Giveaway ends January 27, 2016.

See the giveaway details
at Goodreads.

Enter Giveaway

Hello!

Deepest apologies for nothing new this week,
but I have been busy.

I have a book coming out!
It is called Poet Robot.
I am giving away some copies
RIGHT NOW
on Goodreads and LibraryThing,
and I would love to give you one.
Poet Robot is a collection of posts from this blog
as well as a few short stories, and pieces from Tin Lion.

(if your country is not listed, please send me an email at poetrobot@gmail.com and I will add your country to the goodreads giveaways in the future. I’ll be doing a lot of them.)

If you have are one of the lovely individuals with a book review blog (and I mean that in the most pandering of ways), then I would be more than happy to exchange a review for a copy. Also, if you just want one and are poor, I will probably give you one anyway. Just send me an email (poetrobot@gmail.com) with your name, address and a link to your blog.

Thanks so much for readership and support.

I look forward to sharing this with you all.

-e

period piece

I wrote a screenplay about a lady werewolf

who travels to the moons of Jupiter

which has sixty-seven moons

so she bleeds to death.*

 

 

 

*After multiple rejections and revisions, this piece was written on the basis that my girlfriend thinks joking about menstruation is never funny.  I have been asked not to say “I told you so.”

whales

My older brother Ryan thinks whales breaching

is the most serene, beautiful sight on Earth.

 

Personally, I think

they’re trying to invade the sky

and are just sort of stupid,

 

but in a way, isn’t that beautiful too?

 

 

 

 

*

**

***

 

Happy New Year! I wanted to thank everyone who has ever taken the time to read my work. It has been a great personal pleasure to bring my weirdo thoughts to you. Your continued support is very much appreciated and you all have my undying gratitude.  I look forward to all the giggles and cringes to come. Truly, I love you all. -e

The (fill-in-the-blank) Police Department assimilate cannibals into American Culture.

Boys, let me just say,
we did a great job
introducing the cannibals to Taco Tuesday,
& we’ll call Thirsty Thursday a success.

… About Black Friday…

Again, y’all knocked it out of the park,
but for the official police record,
Black Friday was a disaster.

So let’s all put on our sad faces,
get on the TV,
& begrudgingly pretend like we give a f***.

After that,
I dunno,
how about paid leave?

Merry Christmas.

& on the seventh day

“I briefly considered a universe where chickens were the dominant species

& every morning ate scrambled placenta with bacon.

The problem was getting men to wake up at four in the morning

& scream at the sun in unison for no reason.”

 

-God, on rest.

however fleeting

I’d like to think,
when I walk face first into a spider web,
there’s a brief moment
where the spider thinks it’s his lucky day

Followed quickly
by that feeling that you’ve bitten off
way more than you can chew
but like times a thousand.