“Donate”

Thank you for visiting to the donation page.

Imagine me as a guy on the street
with a cardboard sign.

If you saw that thing from this blog that made you chuckle on a cardboard scrap,
would you give that guy a dollar?

If you would smile politely and walk away quicker
I totally get it.
I’m not for everyone.

But if you’re here cause you said yes,
Click the link to Amazon and buy the dollar chapbook, “Tin Lion.” It’s a sort of “best of” collection of my favorites, a few of yours and a pair of new pieces. Get it. Read it. Enjoy. Or you know, buy a song on iTunes. Whatever makes you happy.

http://www.amazon.com/dp/B00QXW49XS

Thanks.

“But Eric,
I’ve read amazons payment policy.
You’re probably only going to get thirty-five cents for that!”

This is true.

“I’m one of those people who didn’t want to be part of the group that wanted to give you a dollar, but now I see that you only really get a quarter and a dime, and I would give you that, so now I’ve changed my mind!”

Thank you for reading this far
for no discernible reason
other than me
being really good at my pretend job…
You may proceed.

http://www.amazon.com/dp/B00QXW49XS

“But Eric! What if I think you deserve more than a dollar? I’ve paid $15.99 plus tax, or $22.19 Canadian for a 100 page poetry book of complete nonsense! I leave it on my coffee table when I want to fuck nerds!” (It is a really good investment to “support local poetry.”)

Calm down.

“YOU CALM DOWN. I’M CANADIAN. WHY DO WE HAVE TO PAY MORE FOR YOUR POETRY?!”

I don’t know what you want me to say.

“PROMOTE YOURSELF YOU PUSSY. YOU HAVE TO DO IT, OR YOU WILL DIE UNFULFILLED.”

You are an unstereotypically aggressive existentialist Canadian, sir.

See how I’m a lot more like the guy with the cardboard sign than you initially expected?

That’s a craft tool.
It’s called the truth.

Okay, fuck you.

Not you, the reader.

Me.

The guy who wrote that piece of garbage.

I won’t delete it because I want you to see I make horrible mistakes still, and am not at that level
Where I need/deserve all that wonderfully colorful Canadian currency.

If you want to give more,
Write a review on Amazon.
Do whatever everyone else is telling you to do.
I don’t know.
Gift it, if that’s a thing you can do.
Email it to someone.
I won’t get mad about the thirty-five cents.

Don’t print it out.
It’s not worth the paper.

Text it to a friend.
One at a time.
At dawn.

Whatever all your desperate friends want you to do for their creative stuff,

Do that to me.
Just to piss them off.

No, don’t do that.

Well do it,
but for the right reason.

Not to spite your stupid friend.

Give them a sundae with shaving cream.
Something that will make them have to purge.

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Seriously, don’t do that.

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If this applies to you,
And you needed convincing
Not to poison your friends

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you’re a weirdo.
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Like me.

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Do it.

http://www.amazon.com/dp/B00QXW49XS

****

Thanks, I love you guys.

35 thoughts on ““Donate”

  1. Uhhhhhhhhhh…….does this exist as a hard copy? If you mail me one, I’ll send you back a picture I drew. Like a naked lady torso with impressive bush or a nice, festive hand turkey. I mean, I’m not trying to barter. I’ll pay the damned dollar. But I’m not gonna print it out. Not because you said not to. I hate my printer. I hate my piece of shit printer. I don’t wanna talk about it, ok?

    • haha I don’t have a physical copy yet, but hold onto your dollar for now. I’m currently putting together an updated and expanded version of the donation book and I will make that one available in a physical format. Hopefully it will be up in a week or so. I would love a festive hand turkey or lady torso though…

  2. Oh, my, you have some humor! Love it. Sadly, seriously don’t even have that dollar to spare right now. Don’t even know how I will pay our upcoming house payment due today. But, thank you for your ornery piece here. I needed a smile in this cutthroat world of trying to be a real life writer. 🙂

  3. Just thought you’d like to know that I picked up “Tin Lion.” It was a toss up between that and a pink plastic butterfly clip for my hair. I have to say, I’m pleased with my decision even though it doesn’t go quite as nicely with my ponytail.

  4. Dear Mr. Wong,

    I would like to cordially inform you that Amazon charged me not $1 dollar for ‘Tin Lion’ as you suggested would be the case, but in fact charged me the outrageous sum of $3.41! Now, perhaps because I live in South Africa where the currency has little value and I don’t understand conversion rates (3.41 sounds to me like a small amount to pay for anything) or perhaps because spending the last hour chortling at everything on your blog has loosened the bolts of my part-cyborg brain, but I went ahead and purchased ‘Tin Lion’ nevertheless.

    I do hope they give you more than 35 cents now.

    Thanks for stopping by by own blog.

    DB

    PS I will drop you a review that drips with honey and smells like the farts of Scarlett O’Hara (exquisite, I’m told) when I have read it cover-to-cover. This is merely a metaphor, of course, since it is an e-book and therefor hasn’t any cover, technically speaking . . .

    • Thank you and I’m sorry! I’m not sure how Amazon prices things overseas, but I did try to do the smallest sum possible for all nations. If you are not satisfied with your purchase, I would be happy to refund your money. I don’t really know how or where to spend South African currency.

      • Well, if it had been a print copy then at least when I finished reading it I could use the pages to wipe my . . . you know. But seeing as it’s digital all it is good for is an hour or so of entertainment and laughter–which I could just as easily have gotten by going to the movies for only two or three times the price once you include the necessary box of stale popcorn! And at least that way I would have experienced the satisfying feeling of knowing I was supporting a hardworking mass-corporation that is probably also very environmentally conscious and likely employs many other people and pays each of these quite fairly I’m sure. But alas, in a moment of poor judgement, I ended up buying for the amount of approximately 40 rand (or equivalent to a block of cheddar or two cappuccinos) the collective works of yourself, Mr E.I. Wong. Lamentable as it is, we all must live and learn from our mistakes, must we not?

      • If I could compliment your writing; you really had me going for a second there. (also, good one on the cheesy poems. I know future readers of this thread won’t pick up on this, but you were really quick on that reply. Kudos)

  5. Thanks so much for your recent visit and ‘like’! I like everything I’ve read here so far, and your ‘donate’ idea is super — it’s given me an idea for something similar to try with my own poetry (though my poems aren’t at all funny, so they probably won’t sell for even 35 cents …). Good luck to you and blessings in all your endeavors! — Genie

  6. Do you accept bad checks? If so, how bad? (FYI: I have two forms of ID)
    Thanks, by the way, for coming to AHintOfLight.com and not scaring any of the other visitors.
    Pat

  7. Ehmm, I ah, as of yet have not deemed it fit to gift you with the 35 cents but so far I like what I’m seeing so who knows? I may end up with that intended purchase riding around in my Amazon cart for awhile afterall. Good stuff.

  8. Oh you better believe I bought the book. Almost had a fit when it looked like Amazon wanted to give it to me for FREE. This is the best donation page ever, and I love you. Thanks for stopping by my blog today.

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