life lessons

Here’s how you end global warming through charitable efforts

1. Host a bike marathon charity fundraiser for a green initiativethat ends with the cyclists leaping off a ramp through a blazing ring of fire.
2. Replace pre-victory Gatorade Dixie cups with red cups of gasoline.
3. As the bikers cross the finish line,the spandex outfits with fake sponsors

   will catch fire, and melt into the cyclists’ skin,

   grafting them to the bike permanently

   so they can forever clog up the roads

   and make it impossible for cars to participate in the human miracle

   of the combustion engine.

So do you see how

in the end,

setting fire to fossil fuels

in the immediate proximity of eco-activists

wearing sports equipment made from an oil bi-product

turns out to be the answer to climate change after all?

That’s how that saying

“hair of the dog that bit you” works.

Cool, huh?

Okay, son,

Daddy’s gonna get another beer.

Get dressed, and I’ll drive you to school.

**