life lessons

Here’s how you end global warming through charitable efforts

  1. Host a bike marathon charity fundraiser for a green initiativethat ends with the cyclists leaping off a ramp through a blazing ring of fire.
  2. Replace pre-victory Gatorade Dixie cups with red cups of gasoline.
  3. As the bikers cross the finish line,the spandex outfits with fake sponsors

    will catch fire, and melt into the cyclists’ skin,

    grafting them to the bike permanently

    so they can forever clog up the roads

    and make it impossible for cars to participate in the human miracle

    of the combustion engine.

So do you see how

in the end,

setting fire to fossil fuels

in the immediate proximity of eco-activists

wearing sports equipment made from an oil bi-product

turns out to be the answer to climate change after all?

That’s how that saying

“hair of the dog that bit you” works.

Cool, huh?

Okay, son,

Daddy’s gonna get another beer.

Get dressed, and I’ll drive you to school.


31 thoughts on “life lessons

  1. I laughed until I spewed coffee here and there, probably because I read this while sitting in my living room watching parents from my neighborhood drive their children to a school three blocks away. Perfect!

  2. Works for me! The bike riders in Portland OR are atrocious; taking up all the roads. Go for it Daddy! Enjoy another beer for me! BTW, thanks for visiting my blog post called “Mental Health Mondays” and giving it a thumbs up. So, I am visiting your blog now and I am going to become a follower too. I look forward to reading more of your posts. I love the title of your blog-it is the bomb!!!
    Ta Ta for now, Cathy the Bagg Lady

  3. Pingback: life lessons | the only people who matter

  4. I love your brand of humor I think they call it acerbic wit but what the heck call it what you like it is damned funny thanks for the laughs at the expense of the the knotheads who need it.

  5. I like to fart to much to ever be an environmentalists. I do however eat a lot of beef so maybe that counts in my favor as cattle farts are more potent than mine I’ve been told 😈

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