I’m illustrating an educational cartoon
Just like the Isaac Newton apple/gravity fable
Except instead of Newton
It’s an ISIS child soldier,
A drone strike replaces the apple
& instead of the theory of gravity
The baby embraces secular representative government
& petrodollar based capitalism.
Tag Archives: writer
Batman v Progressivism
While it may seem like crooks run the world
a gentle stream of justice shall flow through Gotham
Once Batman gets a sweet, juicy tax cut;
because nothing deters crime
like blingier batarangs
& an increased susceptibility to medical bankruptcy.
Pimp Your LinkedIn cont.
Went on a job interview at a Zen monastery.
Didn’t have meditation experience
But according to my last three employers
I can sit around in a bathrobe with zero mental activity
like you wouldn’t believe.
Pimp your LinkedIn/This Picnic is Filth
I’m a volunteer
anonymous life-coach
although I’d like to see myself
as the Gordon Ramsay
of volunteer anonymous life-coaches
who works primarily with small children, the elderly
or any other park-goer off put by a clown
in full military camouflage
& there are nine of us in the camouflage
but I’m the Gordon Ramsay.
My, what big wrists you have
Bannon: The Trump Presidency we fought for is DEAD
***one day later***
Trump: Thank you for protesting bigotry and hate!
It was then I felt
a great erection in the Universe
as if millions of haters cried out, “#WAR”
& were suddenly silenced by Facebook, Google, GoDaddy, Twitter, MSM, BLM, Muslims, Jews, LGBTQs, Women, Latinos, Democrats, Republicans, Boston, The Pope, General Kelly, Heather Heyer and the sounds of their mothers saying their Meatball & Mozzarella LeanPockets were finished microwaving.
So yeah, global conspiracy confirmed
***
This piece is dedicated to Sir Richard Claxton Gregory – A true Knight of this Old Republic
Optimism
Wouldn’t it be wonderful
if Democrats and Republicans
set aside their differences
& came together under one roof
& then, due to decades
of neglectful infrastructure funding policy,
erosion collapsed that roof?
“and now, a fox with a big ass hole in its face…”
After the ressurection
the disciples stood in awe of Christ.
The miracles
they had seen before
but all paled in comparison
to His newfangled, freaky shadow puppets.
phrases
“Give a man a fish
& you feed him for a day.
Teach a man to fish
& you feed him for a lifetime.”
-Lao Tzu
“Give a man a fish
& you feed him for a day.
Teach a man to fish
& you feed him for a lifetime,
so clearly we need to stop teaching people how to fish.”
-leaked transcript of Lao Tzu’s paid speeches to Big Fish
overcome
A completely blind chameleon
can still change its skin
to match its environment.
Similarly, deaf bats
will still fly around
like they have no idea where they’re going.
the metrics of bacon
In the United States
it’s harder to bring home bacon today
than in the worst year of The Great Depression.
The US instituted the minimum wage in 1933
at twenty-five cents an hour,
or about $4.25 in today’s money.
Even though two dollars a day might not seem like much,
bacon was only eleven cents a pound at the time.
Working for one hour at the minimum wage in 1933
would have yielded approximately two and a half pounds of bacon
for you, your spouse and two and a half children.
You used to have three kids,
but times were really tough.
Today,
the United States minimum wage is $7.25
with the price of bacon over $5.00 per pound.
That means you, your spouse and 1.75 children
can only afford a pound and a bit
for that same hour’s labor.
To clarify, in this scenario
there are still three children,
but everyone is missing parts equally
because you’re a good parent.
They’re all living happily on government disability programs
with the missus always on the lookout
for cute little mom & pop shops, or small businesses
without wheelchair ramps
to sue
because again,
we are Americans in this scenario.
Even if socialist Bernie Sanders got his proposed $15 dollars an hour
which would bring the bacon ratio back to Depression era levels,
any difference would be squelched by higher taxes
so you can have free health care
where the doctor
practicing preventative medicine
advises that to avoid heart disease
you should cut back on bacon.
Touche, Dr. President Sanders.
