I’m illustrating an educational cartoon
Just like the Isaac Newton apple/gravity fable
Except instead of Newton
It’s an ISIS child soldier,
A drone strike replaces the apple
& instead of the theory of gravity
The baby embraces secular representative government
& petrodollar based capitalism.
While it may seem like crooks run the world
a gentle stream of justice shall flow through Gotham
Once Batman gets a sweet, juicy tax cut;
because nothing deters crime
like blingier batarangs
& an increased susceptibility to medical bankruptcy.
Went on a job interview at a Zen monastery.
Didn’t have meditation experience
But according to my last three employers
I can sit around in a bathrobe with zero mental activity
like you wouldn’t believe.
I’m a volunteer
although I’d like to see myself
as the Gordon Ramsay
of volunteer anonymous life-coaches
who works primarily with small children, the elderly
or any other park-goer off put by a clown
in full military camouflage
& there are nine of us in the camouflage
but I’m the Gordon Ramsay.
Bannon: The Trump Presidency we fought for is DEAD
***one day later***
Trump: Thank you for protesting bigotry and hate!
It was then I felt
a great erection in the Universe
as if millions of haters cried out, “#WAR”
& were suddenly silenced by Facebook, Google, GoDaddy, Twitter, MSM, BLM, Muslims, Jews, LGBTQs, Women, Latinos, Democrats, Republicans, Boston, The Pope, General Kelly, Heather Heyer and the sounds of their mothers saying their Meatball & Mozzarella LeanPockets were finished microwaving.
So yeah, global conspiracy confirmed
This piece is dedicated to Sir Richard Claxton Gregory – A true Knight of this Old Republic
more people die from suicide
than from all the world’s armed conflicts
An issue America will undoubtedly solve
with increased military spending
while also continuing the harvest of occupied Afghanistan’s poppy supply
(they produce 90% of the world’s opium)
which will then be made into overpriced prescription pain killers
whose exorbitant costs will be subsidized
using the public’s own money
in the form of a private health insurance subscription discount
as negotiated by the host of The Celebrity Apprentice
& not the host of The Celebrity Apprentice who actually has governing experience,
the other one.
But yeah, the shocking part is that people are killing themselves.
Wouldn’t it be wonderful
if Democrats and Republicans
set aside their differences
& came together under one roof
& then, due to decades
of neglectful infrastructure funding policy,
erosion collapsed that roof?
After the ressurection
the disciples stood in awe of Christ.
they had seen before
but all paled in comparison
to His newfangled, freaky shadow puppets.
Prior to the train robbery itself
a portion of horses must think
on some level
that they will get on the train
with their bandit masters
& on that same level
must walk home alone
through no fault of their own
like total losers.
A completely blind chameleon
can still change its skin
to match its environment.
Similarly, deaf bats
will still fly around
like they have no idea where they’re going.