Coronavirus Diary: Day… Days are meaningless now.

“One with the land”

 

Today on a walk

in my new neighborhood

North Berkeley

At sixteen hundred hours and twenty minutes

I watched a group of young boys

age three to maybe eight

play a game of war with sticks.

 

It was a kind of game I had played as a boy

and I’m sure every generation of boys before me did the same.

There was no anger or hurt feelings in the children,

they were smiling and having fun.

But here the teams were chosen based on race.

 

(team white was outnumbered)

The youngest looked for bigger sticks

but couldn’t bring himself to be too far from his big brother

because he didn’t really know what was going on.

 

Parents were on their phones

eating cheese

sharing their traumatic experience of having heard a helicopter at night.

 

(Berkeley. Verb – to make oneself feel better by telling a stranger how they should live their life.)

 

I wanted to Berkeley the shit out of them.

 

My social crime today is having not done that.

The crime is cowardice.

I considered making a little video of the children in the park as proof

but that’s really, really creepy

so I did not.

 

Humans,

children are watching.

 

Also, pretty sure aliens are also watching

but that somehow has managed to just slip under everyone’s radar.

 

How convenient for the aliens……

 

 

I’ve been social-distancing too long.

 

Now if you’ll excuse me I must muster the courage to go on Nextdoor

and fail at finding a non-triggering way of saying “you’re a bad parent.”

 

Black Lives Matter.

 

Batman v Progressivism

While it may seem like crooks run the world

a gentle stream of justice shall flow through Gotham

Once Batman gets a sweet, juicy tax cut;

because nothing deters crime

like blingier batarangs

& an increased susceptibility to medical bankruptcy.

 

 

My, what big wrists you have

Bannon: The Trump Presidency we fought for is DEAD

***one day later***

Trump: Thank you for protesting bigotry and hate!

 

 

It was then I felt

a great erection in the Universe

as if millions of haters cried out, “#WAR”

& were suddenly silenced by Facebook, Google, GoDaddy, Twitter, MSM, BLM, Muslims, Jews,  LGBTQs, Women, Latinos, Democrats, Republicans, Boston, The Pope, General Kelly, Heather Heyer and the sounds of their mothers saying their Meatball & Mozzarella LeanPockets were finished microwaving.

So yeah, global conspiracy confirmed

***

This piece is dedicated to Sir Richard Claxton Gregory – A true Knight of this Old Republic

Optimism

Wouldn’t it be wonderful
if Democrats and Republicans
set aside their differences
& came together under one roof

& then, due to decades
of neglectful infrastructure funding policy,
erosion collapsed that roof?

phrases

“Give a man a fish

& you feed him for a day.

Teach a man to fish

& you feed him for a lifetime.”

-Lao Tzu

 

“Give a man a fish

& you feed him for a day.

Teach a man to fish

& you feed him for a lifetime,

so clearly we need to stop teaching people how to fish.”

-leaked transcript of Lao Tzu’s paid speeches to Big Fish

 

 

 

 

 

Follow the red light

A laser sight makes murder too easy.
You could be the worst sniper in the world
use the laser sight
& kill a whole lot of cats.

*

The JFK assassination would have played out a lot differently
if we elected cats to the presidency.

You’d watch the Zapurruder film
& after the first shot
John Furry Kittendy Jr.
would see the laser
& bat the back of the Texas Governpurr’s hat.

At the end
Jackie Meowcatsus
would still climb out the back
to get scraps of skull and brain,
but to eat them.

***

I promise I will never make another cat pun for the rest of my writing career.

E.I

A child, right now

Right now, there are maybe around five hundred kids in America.

They are thirteen years old,

& born in mid June, 2002.

They are learning about human physiology,

the saltier parts of American History,

and maybe they’re just a little better than average

at applying mathematics to the real world.

And today is the day,

that one of them,

realizes there’s a chance

they were conceived on 9/11.