“I briefly considered a universe where chickens were the dominant species
& every morning ate scrambled placenta with bacon.
The problem was getting men to wake up at four in the morning
& scream at the sun in unison for no reason.”
-God, on rest.
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A Narcissist Writes Letters, To Himself 
No rest, indeed.
I’d do it for a boiled egg.
Bahaha! Oh goodness…
No WONDER you are so good at this ! How did you get Him to write for you ? ; )
If I had created Earth (which I’m not entirely sure that I haven’t) I would have made ranch dressing the dominate species all over the planet, and not just in the southern states.
I do not eat from a bottle or a can, except for dry seeds, all the foods I eat are fresh, and with the seeds of freshness, I create my daily needs. RFWrites38
Okay, great! 😐
your getting close….;p
Make that 8 O’clock
Friggin epic
Sounds like “The Far Side” with shadings of Gary Larson. Your “haiku’s”, or something like haiku’s are completely, refreshingly off the wall. I know for myself that I’d sooner be boiled in my own hot coffee than get-up at sunrise.
I’d follow a duck overlord.
Very funny! Jx
Oh goodness! Lol
I, from time to time, imagine that dogs are the dominate ones, reading the morning paper and having coffee, and people are the new dogs, walking naked and being thrown at with stones by little puppies who like to see these pathetic humans whimper away.
The mental image I imagined after reading this….oh boy lol
I don’t think I’ll ever be able to look at an egg with the same eyes again. Good one, Eric. Brilliant.
That’s assuming it’s fertilised. The alternative isn’t any more appetising. Reasons why i have to forget this or be really hungry to eat egg.
Reblogged this on And Dirty Linens.
i see you stopped by for a read…
i had thought the chickens were the dominate species, so why the hell was man having to wake-up at four in the morning? To sit upon the eggs?
cheers chris
Just awesome… but shouldn’t it be “the dominant species”
Yes it should. Thanks for the catch!
love it nice work
It’s rare that I find something that in a few lines puts a smile of amusement on my face as quickly as this did. Then left me vaguely haunted. You’ve really got a fantastic voice on the page, and I’ve bookmarked some work on here to peruse more intently. I really like your work. Have you submitted any of this to an agent? You should.
Ha I love the problem. I think more often than not, I stay up until 4am to howl at the moon. Getting up? Not going to happen.
Thanks for this one.
what if the chickens are vegetarian…
You make me laugh, and think.. lol
true that
Tho roosters do scream at the sun, hens do have good taste in music. Ask any hen to name a great composer, and U will get a great answer: “bach — bach — BACH! bach — bach — BACH!”
Just… perfect. I mean, I’ve no words, and it is really sad because I’m also a writer (well, a learner). And that’s one of the reasons why I’m here. That’s my wordpress: https://colapsoelverso.wordpress.com/
I write in spanish but, I don’t know, maybe you understand it. Anyway, it would be very helpfull if you could visit my page and share it with your visitors. Thank you so much!
Self-loathing is an art, and it’s about time this blog got some recognition.
Delightful!
This rocks.
hahaha this made my day. pretty twisted but funny
What about the vegan chickens?
Love this
If you’d done your research you’d know what roosters are actually saying when they scream at the morning sun. If only you knew, you’d be thanking your lucky stars they aren’t the dominant species. And of course as chickens have no teeth, there’s no chance they’d be getting stuck into placenta and bacon.
Yes. If you research using the Bible, it would let you know that the roosters are screaming their praise and thanks to the L-rd for His gloriousness!
🙂
I wish I could Like this more than once.
brilliant!
You truly are fascinating, pal. Best wishes from baldy 🙂
Pingback: & on the seventh day | beautifullybroken: A photographic poetry blog
I love your writing style so much! Absolutely stunning
Goodness!
Hi, I thought you’d like to know that I’ve nominated you for a SUNSHINE BLOGGER AWARD. Details here: https://modernphilosophystandards.wordpress.com/2015/12/19/ive-got-sunshine-on-a-cloudy-day/
Entirely up to you whether you’d like to accept it or not, but I think you deserve it!
Are you coming to Toronto? Would love to see you live!
Great work I follow your blog thank you very much for liking my poetry
Well
I can’t help but find that rather amusing.
true that 🙂
Reblogged this on Joan Barbara Simon Author.
I really dig your stuff. Thanks.
This is wonderful. Thank you for the laugh. I look forward to reading more of your work.
This gave me a good laugh. Thanks for sharing.
If I scream at the sun long enough it comes down. This I call the power of pointless actions.
Wonderful observation!
This is amazing lol.
check out my blog, i only just started blogging:
aprilsnowsite.wordpress.com
As the say… ” Who’s watching the hen house?”