In Amsterdam
if someone dies without a next of kin
and no one attends their funeral
a poet is hired to write and recite a piece for their service.
It doesn’t pay a whole lot
but at least I can start writing off
those vats of homemade “hobo poison”
as a tax deductible business expense.
Vats? That’s a lot of funerals. Do you ever run out of material? I suppose that you can reuse a line or two here or there if no one goes.
Great piece!
I love this. It sounds like something I wish I had written. Maybe I could poison you and steal it, make it my own…
Please do not poison me
Damn. You pulled off sad and brutal and fun all at once!
Reblogged this on Lost Dudeist Astrology.
I don’t know where you find these weird thoughts, and the perfect words for them. Absolutely brilliant!
I like this one a lot. My mind can’t stop wondering, whether you made up the hiring-a-poet thing in Amsterdam or not… It would be such a nice idea, anywhere in the world.
http://www.redorbit.com/news/international/463372/poets_break_the_silence_for_amsterdams_unmourned_dead/
thank you. This is amazing and a great idea…
https://nlyart.wordpress.com/2015/10/14/poems-for-the-unsung/
Haha, i love that the guy worries that same people would think a poet turning up would be worse than nothing! That’s a little bleak…
Pingback: poems for the unsung | floatsome
I admire what a hard worker you are! You could just grow lazy and suck off the government’s teats, but here you are being industrious and being almost as evil as our elected officials. You are my hero.
You’re interesting. You make me laugh. And also make me frightened for hobos.
Brilliant! I sit in awe.
Awwwww…. I love this piece,… Seriously I wish those words should have flown from my pen 🙂 🙂 🙂 Mater piece!! I’m jealous.. 🙂
Talk about making your own opportunities! I am curious about who hires for this position and when they know that they have an opening to be filled. If an official attends every funeral and realizes that no one else is coming and then speed dials you to write a poem before the casket is fully lowered into the grave, the whole thing could become a very fast-paced and high intensity affair. I’d rather take my time, or perhaps take a gamble and come up with some drafts for nasty bastards who are on their sick bed, just in case they kick it.
😂😂😂
The first time I read it I thought, how lovely, I want that job because I love to write. And then I read it again. And then, OMFSM I had to read it thrice. Hilarious. Dark, but hilarious. PS. Please stop killing hobos. They inspire charity. And I hope, despite the whimsical death threat in the thread above that no one steals your idea in any way so drastic. ~ DM
The ill humors of wicked intent
boil up with shame-faced laughter
for finding macabre jests amusing.
Wickedly written. Keep up the macabre work and I may as well fall in deep, devastating lust.
Hi, any interest to partake in my author interviews?
Sure! Send me an email at etwong212 (at) gmail
will do!
hahaha how interesting to know…
bit sad, dark and funny, and all in eight lines… Stellar work!
Hilariously menacing!
Brilliant use of imagery. I found it inspiring.
You wicked, wicked man! But while I’m on, maybe I’ll come to you when I’m looking for new business ideas? You seem to have a plan.
Be sure to keep careful records. Home business deductions are notorious audit bait. The IRS will disallow any deduction of poison expenses for personal rather than business use.
I love this, for years now my Mother and I have talked about doing this and the need for someone to do this.
I really hope you’re talking about the poetry part…
Maybe…..Yes, I suppose I should be more specific, she says while chuckling.
Wonderful!
Poetry? Funerals? I hope you welcome ghost-writing 🙂
This is absolutely beautiful.
Great blog post, clever comments. . .and hurray for Amsterdam!
Thanks a lot for stopping by! and your posts are honestly one of a kind. 🙂 You blended happy, sad, true together which I don’t think a lot people could do :):):)
One of the greatest pieces I’ve read! Thank you for liking one of my poems, that is how I came to know about your wonderful blog! Tc
Since I am from Amsterdam, I absolutely love this.
Love, Josephine
Learn something new everyday haha
A DIY funeral would suit me. No obligation to be there. Keeps the rellies and their fake smiles away.