As a kid
I used to play in the dryer.
pretending to be the boulder
chasing Indiana Jones,
I would be a critically acclaimed poet.
After a confusing chain of emails
between the state government and myself
I learned that I was officially nominated
to become the Poet Laureate of California.
At first I thought I was being trolled
but have since learned that they were real government people
trying to fill an actual government position.
So I am officially launching my campaign
for the position of Poet Laureate
even though the job is not decided by any vote.
There’s no democracy.
The governor just picks a guy. (or girl)
“Then Eric, why launch a campaign?”
Because the governor has an email address.
You can contact him here:
& you can tell him whatever you want.
“Well Eric, of course I support you, but what should I say to him?”
Gee, I dunno…
Off the top of my head?
Like some sort of fill-in-the blank,
Maybe something along the lines of,
Dear Governor Brown,
I, (your name here), resident of (city within the state of California) encourage you to select Eric “E.I.” Wong to the position of Poet Laureate. Mr. Wong’s work is (positive adjective), (even more positive adjective) and easy on the eyes. One might even say his poetry is critical to the cannon of American literature, and even the English language. My words, not his. Mr. Wong himself is an upstanding citizen, with a caliber of likeability equivalent to (beloved costumed vigilante), but unlike (beloved costumed vigilante) you can see his face, and guess what? Mr. Wong is pretty easy on the eyes.
Mr. Wong in no way promised sexual favors in exchange for support of his fake campaign. Even though I love (your favorite sexual favor) and I would have happily exchanged the time it took to personally write this letter for said sexual favor, Mr. Wong is a man of such high integrity that despite multiple requests to (sexual favor) each other, he very politely declined.
He really is a great guy, independent of being exceedingly easy on the eyes.
(your name here)