Blackbeard, seeking insurance, uncovers the pirate paradox

“So you have enough woodworking mastery
to construct & maintain ships worthy of transatlantic travel,
but when it comes to an effective prosthesis
you’re going to settle with the ‘peg approach?’

Oh, the ship is stolen…
Well that makes sense.

Wait, you have the thievery skills
to commandeer a vessel
with a crew of armed government employees
but you can’t shoplift the lower half of a mannequin?

I don’t mean to hark on the leg thing, but frankly

nothing about a self-employed alcoholic

gallivanting around a slippery, rocking ship deck on an unvarnished table leg

screams “insurable,” Mr. Beard.
Did you have any questions?

…

I don’t know about pillaging
but we do cover rape counseling
with a proper referral, of course.

No. No. No… We counsel the other side, Mr. Beard…
Yes, the victims.”