Couscous looks, sounds and tastes like a sexually transmitted disease,
But it makes you poop like you have rectum cancer,
Which is a good thing, so I’m torn.
I’m also really conflicted about my opinion.
You May Call Me The Wizard Libidinous
I was going for a walk,
& saw this little girl riding a bike.
She must have just reached that age
when she started feeling attraction to men
& having no idea what that meant,
we meet eyes.
blushes a little,
& you know how women will fix their hair a little bit
when they see a boy they like?
She had that instinct
without any of the necessary social skills required to deal with those feelings.
So her version of that
was sensually picking a wedgie she got from the bike
& then flipping her hair.
But the kid was wearing a gigantic bike helmet
& clearly had no concept of f=ma, or momentum
so she tweaked her neck, really badly.
& to her mother,
all she saw was me
smile at her child
at which point
her daughter grabs her own asshole
jerks her neck to the side
& begins weeping.
Then mom sees me grin even wider with delight
because I’m recognizing the humor material potential in the situation,
but to her, clearly I’m a warlock.
That’s the last time a woman demonstrated interest in me.
Which may seem like cause for concern
but the good news is
as a twenty five year old man
the average age of women who hit on me is 25.
Bad news is that (9+41 year old IHOP waitresses)/2 = 25