Couscous & The Wizard Libidinous


Couscous looks, sounds and tastes like a sexually transmitted disease,
But it makes you poop like you have rectum cancer,
Which is a good thing, so I’m torn.

I’m also really conflicted about my opinion.


You May Call Me The Wizard Libidinous

I was going for a walk,
& saw this little girl riding a bike.

She must have just reached that age
when she started feeling attraction to men

& having no idea what that meant,

we meet eyes.
I smile.
She smiles,
blushes a little,

& you know how women will fix their hair a little bit
when they see a boy they like?
She had that instinct
without any of the necessary social skills required to deal with those feelings.

So her version of that
was sensually picking a wedgie she got from the bike
& then flipping her hair.

But the kid was wearing a gigantic bike helmet
& clearly had no concept of f=ma, or momentum
so she tweaked her neck, really badly.

& to her mother,
all she saw was me
smile at her child
at which point
her daughter grabs her own asshole
jerks her neck to the side
& begins weeping.

Then mom sees me grin even wider with delight
because I’m recognizing the humor material potential in the situation,
but to her, clearly I’m a warlock.

That’s the last time a woman demonstrated interest in me.

Which may seem like cause for concern
but the good news is
as a twenty five year old man
the average age of women who hit on me is 25.
Bad news is that (9+41 year old IHOP waitresses)/2 = 25

31 thoughts on “Couscous & The Wizard Libidinous

  1. Nice, Eric. Downright couscous.

    I can see the blurb for this. “A touching poem about a 25-year-old horny man, a bicycle and a little girl touching her asshole. You’ll laugh, you’ll cry, and Flo down at the IHOP will simply LOVE it!”

    Calling Rex Reed!

  2. I thought Couscous was an island in the tropics.
    Besides that fact, I can’t decide if it’s a bad thing it tastes like an STD. I mean, the Clap is and STD and I love clapping…..

  3. Say, uh… what just happened again? Love your depiction of a scene in which no participant quite has a grip on what’s happening in real time… Afterwards, everyone tries to sort out the pieces…


  4. Somewhere along the line of baby talking nonsense, Couscous became the pet name of choice between my boyfriend and I. Not sure what to think of it now that it sounds like an STD that makes you shit a lot.

    On the other hand, I’m also a fan of shitting and can highly recommend a breakfast of fiber cereal and prunes every day to really get the motor running.

  5. Your posts literally cause me to laugh out loud. Simply saying “lol” is not sufficient as I sit outside stifling laughter–trying not to wake my neighbors…If I were them, hearing hysterical laughter at 2am would cause me some alarm.

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